your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
whose parrot is this?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
