dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
