I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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