I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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