Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
