Yo dont text me then not text me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
