my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
