I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
