um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
