There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
