last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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