I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
