trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
