The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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