She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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