Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
