you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
they're like a gay fantastic four
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
