If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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