Kiss
Puke
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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