We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
