i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
