i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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