if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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