I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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