the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
