her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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