Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
