garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
