It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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