Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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