Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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