we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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