just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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