my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
