You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
