Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
