Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
