he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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