Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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