margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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