Will you blow on my dice?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
