"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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