Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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