Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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