im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
