I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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