How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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