I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
