Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
