I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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