if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my sisters under your porch take her home
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
